Words of Wisdom #4 – Trying (Official Music Video) feat. Lisa Be…

This video was sent to me this past weekend. I had to share it with all of you here. The video is titled, “Trying” by Mike Flanagan. I recommend that you all check out his YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/MikeFlanaganMusic

“Trying” is a very heartfelt message of two men that meet and fall madly in love with each other. They are of course not excempt from the challenges of having a relationship. We see in the video the struggles each partner faces in “trying” to make it work. The words of the chorus pretty much address one of the biggest problems we face in today’s world, …”I keep trying to love, someone who does know how to love…” Those words alone hit home for me in a big way, as my past relationships failed for that reason. At first I didn’t know what I wanted or how to give or receive love. Now that I believe I have a good grasp of what I want and am learning how to love myself and others its difficult for this one reason. I have so much love to give that the other person doesn’t know how to receive it, or I’m not giving enough love for the other person to feel loved.

The video shows two burly men meeting, falling in love, and then growing apart. It shows one of the men, thinking about the happy times they.shared such as being in the park with the dog, coming home to each other after a long day at work, and cuddling up on the couch with a pizza. I don’t know about you but that is something I want to someday have in stable healthy relationship. Let’s all put the drama of our lives aside and learn to love. With love, true love we will become a much happier community. A community where we can find our soul mate, and not have our hearts broken over and over. Just like the guy in the video, I know the pain of heartache. The feeling of losing someone you really love is a pain that lasts forever. It may over time fade, however once you allow someone into your heart they are there with you ti the end of time. I know in my heart there are a few good men and women, family and friends as well as men I considered to settle down with. I do have to say I been saving one certain spot for Mr. Right, just hope he comes along some day soon.

MRF – Trying (Official Music Video) feat. Lisa Be…:

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Sometimes you just got to.break from of all the stress and frustration we deal with in our day to day lives. I personally hear the words of this song and wish I was swinging from a chandelier or on a mountain top screaming to let it all out. Some people say screaming doesn’t do anything but hurt your throat. I believe if done right it can be a very stress relief. Hell, when things get bad for me I will sometimes scream into my pillow not to scare my neighbors or roommate.

So let the words wash over you. Sit back close your eyes and imagine yourself cutting loose just like the girl in the video, with not a care in the world.

Sia – Chandelier (Official Video):


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Same-Sex Marriage soon to be legal to over 60% of the Nation

With the news that is swarming the internet about the Supreme Court refusing to hear appeals in regards to Same-Sex Marriage Bans, I just had to share my thoughts. Below you will see what has become the anthem for the Same-Sex Movement, and it was done by a straight artist. If you actually take a min and listen to the words they really resonate on what is going on in the world today.

According to Freedom to Marry:

In 25 states – CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, IA, IL, IN, ME, MD, MA, MN, NH, NJ, NM, NY, OK, OR, PA, RI, UT, VA, VT, WA and WI, plus Washington, D.C. – same-sex couples have the freedom to marry.

In an additional five states – KS, NC, SC, WV, and WY – federal appellate rulings have set a binding precedent in favor of the freedom to marry, meaning the path is cleared for the freedom to marry there.

In another 10 states, judges have issued rulings in favor of the freedom to marry, with many of these rulings now stayed as they proceed to appellate courts: In AR, FL, ID, KY, MI, and TX, judges have struck down marriage bans, and in AZ, LA, OH and TN, judges have issued more limited pro-marriage rulings.

In NV, same-sex couples can join together in domestic partnership, which offers broad protections short of marriage. And in MO, the marriages of same-sex couples legally performed in other states are respected.

With these advances, a record number of Americans live in states that recognize relationships between same-sex couples:

  • Over 54% of the U.S. population lives in a state with the freedom to marry for same-sex couples.
  • Nearly 55% of the U.S. population lives in a state with either marriage or a broad legal status such as domestic partnership.
  • Over 60% of the U.S. population will soon live in a state with the freedom to marry for same-sex couples.

This is truly a time to remember, as things are soon to be the law of the land. As a soldier I fought in the name of freedom, only to be told i was not wanted to to my being a gay man, and returned home to Texas to be told I could not marry the person of my choosing.  When I moved to California, I new I was now living in a state where I can live freely, and someday be able to publicly marry Mr. Right when he came along. I saw that reality come alive when Marriage was first made legal in California. Then a few months later than dream was shattered before it could come to fruition when the Voters chose to Ban Same-Sex Marriage. I am glad to have lived to see that right return to the citizens of California when Prop 8 was found to be unconstitutional. And the Justices of the US Supreme Court upheld that basis of the US Constitution that states that the majority can not choose to remove the rights of the minority. One of the reasons I took the Oath of Enlistment, “that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.”This first part of that oath is used in nearly every government office in the country, as we as public servants choose to live to a higher standard, one where we will fight for those with no voice, and defend ALL AMERICANS from those who wish to do harm, be it by legal means or not. Granted, I no longer am held accountable to the Oath, as i don’t currently hold a public office, nor am I in the US Military. I choose to retain these words in my day to day life, it has made me the man I today. The openly gay Veteran who freely fights for full equality. I hope to see the day when every American Citizen can marry any one of their choosing. I hope to see the day where there is no such thing as discrimination. Some day I want to be able to marry Mr. Right, and have him eligible for full spousal benefits from the VA. I want to be able to show my future husband, whomever he is, that I love him in public without being called names or get dirty looks. I want to be able to visit my future husband in the hospital when he is sick and have him be able to make the decisions for me when that time comes, and ultimately be able to have my future husband buried along side me in a federally funded VA Cemetery.

These are just some of the rights that are banned from my same-sex family in states where it is illegal. and of course the federal government still is not affording these rights to every person dictated by federal law. When part of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down, causing a ripple effect that still has not run its course, allowing the federal government to recognize same-sex marriages performed in states where it is legal. Each Department has been dragging its feet as they have to go thru and change the wording in all the federal code that was written before and after the passage of DOMA. You would think it would be a quick fix to have a few analysts go thru the code and remove any and all reference in regards to the federal ban of same-sex marriage. It sadly is not that easy, as some departments need to submit changes to congress before anything can happen. An example is when my friend Tracy Cooper-Harris filed suit against the Department of Veterans Affairs to have her lawfully wedded wife be able to share her VA Benefits just like her straight brothers and sisters in arms. As histrory has told us, the US Goverrnment lost that battle, and the VA was ordered to give Tracy’s wife the benefits she was due. This only went so far as the lawsuit was against the Veterans Health Administration. Another branch of the VA has yet to change their policy allowing same-sex couples to be buried in Federally Funded Veterans Cemeteries. Someday soon, we should see that change for the better.

In the lyrics of the song, “Same Love – Macklemore & Lewis feat. Mary Lambert“:

America the brave
Still fears, what, we don’t know
And God loves all His children
Is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written
35 hundred years ago

We see the artist make reference to two very important things, that the country we call the “Land of the Brave” is still afraid of the unknown and anything different. Can change really be that much of a threat to our country? I think not. This great country of ours has seen change and progress since day one. I don’t think we will ever be a perfect country where we no longer have to change our laws. Since the US Constitution was first written there have been 27 Official Amendments and over 11,000 proposals. Showing that we can always change laws. We also have adopted tens of thousands of laws since the country was founded, and congress makes hundreds of changes to these laws each year. Proving that if used properly we can truly be a land of people governed by the people, creating and enforcing laws that benefit all men and women. We are not a land where a book written 35 hundred years ago is the law of the land, as we don’t know who actually wrote it, and what the context could have been as we definitely live in a land where many of the Bibles laws do not exist. Both documents are also open to debate as the reader is allowed to interpret the words as they wish. I just do not agree when that interpretation is made in a manner to place harm on any person or group of people. That is not the word I was taught in Sunday School.

If you wish to read more on what the media is saying about today’s decision not to review the appeals you can visit these and the many more found using google or the search engine of your choosing:

Words of Wisdom #3 by Karen Walker

Here is some Words of Wisdom by one of my role models growing up, the one and only Karen Walker. I still look up to her wisdom as a grown man. I’d love to grow up and.be just like her some day.



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Pondering the past weekend – 5 Oct 14

Well this past weekend as been a whirlwind of emotions and everything has been all over the place… Last week the Muscle Cub and I had been getting a bit distant and I figured it would happen as he is under lots of stress and his mom is now staying with him. What I was not expecting was that I would find out via social media that he was talking to another guy as well.

Let me back track a lil, for the past lets say month maybe longer we had been having trouble finding time to do anything. Only time I would get to see him or even talk was when I was driving him home from work. We had before that decided to take things slow to really get a chance to know each other. This of course was not happening and we had to cancel plans after plans and say we will try for another time. Well this past weekend I found out that some of the plans were cancelled so he could hang out with the other guy.

I at first was hurt and felt betrayed, however it really made sense as to what had been going on. I had felt like something was up, just wasn’t sure. When I asked him about what I found he got upset and said I was being too nosey and he felt uncomfortable as he didn’t think he had to say anything. I was like papi, wr are supposed to be getting to know each other and see where things would be going. Even if we were to.just become friends, friends talk and don’t be shady about things. From my point of view it looks as if he has one live that I’m part of where his family sees me as more than just a friend of the family, and then there is this other person that parties and forgets those close to him. I don’t know if I have the energy to be in a complicated friendship or any kind of relationship like that.

Don’t get me wrong, I still care deeply about the guy. He was the first guy in a really long time to really accept me for the person I am, and not judge me for being a Drag Nun. I felt really appreciated and comfortable with him, I still do. Physically he is not the type of guy I would consider would give me the time of day. He is a 5’8 naturally smooth bodybuilder, the type of guy very opposite me as I’m a big hairy not fit guy. He really made me feel special, and his family accepted me as one of there own.

Lately I have spent many nights torn as to what to do with this guy. I have gave up a lot to show him I was serious about wanting to get to know him. I have shed many tears wondering what I did wrong for him not to open up or want to spend time together as late. If this was anyone else I would have walked away and shifted focus to taking care of my self, however I see him struggling with life and I can’t help but wanna be there for him anyway I can. Just after recent events I am wondering if this is worth the time and energy. I can see beyond the party guy and see he wants something serious, however I can see he is damaged and afraid to get hurt. I understand that his background has scared him, and know from experience what he is going thru. When I think about walking away, there is lil voice in the back of my head saying don’t give up on him just yet. Give him a lil more time.

I can see him and I really being close friends that can trust each other no matter what comes along, or even a strong happy couple. I would so love the latter, however if the universe only allows us to become good friends, then I will gladly accept that as well.

Back, to the events of this weekend… We had a heated argument which ended with him walking away pissed. I had not wanted to bring it up, but when he got in the car ge saw that something was bothering me, and I broke down. I know that might not have been the best time to ask him about things, but I could not hold it in anymore. Later that day, while he was at work we talked via email and aired this out a lil, however he said he wanted to sit and talk things out in person so we both are on the same page. This is something we been wanting yo do for awhile, and haven’t had a chance for one reason or another.

To make things even more complicated this past week marked 2 years since I was laid off from my last job. I have been such an emotional mess because I dunno if I will ever be able to hold a regular 9-5 job again, as my PTSD related Stress, depression and anxiety have been getting the best of me. I filed for an increase in my VA Disability, however they are dragging their feet. Meanwhile, my bills keep piling up. I saw the only good thing going for me, giving me something to want to wake up and get outta the house, giving me a reason yo smile again.

I just want to feel love and give love to another person. With all this stress, and nothing going right I have been thinking about giving up and retreating to the family farm or a friend’s house in San Antonio, where I can isolate and think about what I wanna do with myself. The thought of giving up on life has also crossed my mind, however the thought of hurting my family keeps those thoughts from manifesting into reality. It scares me that I have had these kinds of thoughts. I would so want to live a long and happy life here in LA, a place where I truly feel at home.

As for the Muscle Cub, I don’t know what the future will hold just yet. We still haven’t sat down to talk, was hoping to this weekend, but he had plans to go out with friends and we really didn’t talk much. Supposed to see him tomorrow so we will see what happens. I also have noticed the interest of some other great guys, however I just can’t start talking to another until I know for sure where I stand with this one. I don’t want to complicate my life anymore that it is. One thing is for sure, I can’t wait around for things to manifest into what ever the universe holds with the Muscle Cub. I have to start looking after me, I need to stop putting him and others before my personal needs. I’m giving myself a few months to find a reason to stay in LA, such as a job or a man to love. I know it might be a bit much, but I want to be happy again. I don’t want to have to cry myself to sleep every night as I can’t cope with the stress and heart ache.

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With New Ad Platform, Facebook Opens Gates to Its Vault of User Data – Yahoo Finance


With the article linked above you can read about Facebook’s new platform in regards to advertising. It is rolling out a new platform called Atlas that would use FB’s extensive user data to sell advertising to companies that want to know what FB users are doing, viewing and buying on various devices and other sites. Similar to Google and Yahoo’s ability to generate ads based on email and browser usage.

The only thing I see wrong with this is that FB users could potentially get ads in apps based on FB being on their phones. I personally think this is an invasion of privacy. Is this the price to pay for convenience and for using Social Media?

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7 Sexy Things Guys Do Without Realizing It (Words of Wisdom #2)

I was browsing the internet today and stumbled upon this. BuzzFeed was able to complied a list of 7 things guys do that are really sexy without realizing it. I have to admit I do find myself paying more attention to a guy when he does these things. Men, take note of this wisdom & use wisely.

7 Sexy Things Guys Do Without Realizing It

  • Rolling Up Their Sleeves (As for me i find this very much a turn on, it shows off the guy’s forearms, and puts him in  relaxed semi-professional look.)
  • Scratching Their Beard (I find this a big turn on as I love a man with facial hair.)
  • The ‘Save The Last Dance’ Lean (This stance is one where the guy is focused on you in conversation, and can be a turn on as it allows you to see him in a relaxed state.)
  • Putting Their Thumb On Their Lip (I dunno what it is, but there is something about a man who uses oral sexual queues even if their unintentional.)
  • Bracing Against the Door Frame (This can be a big turn on as it shows off the guy’s upper-body. If the right guy where to do this when we are talking I would definitely get distracted, and might stare a bit as i find a defined upper-body a big turn on.)
  • Adjusting Their Watch & Tie (I haven’t found this to be distracting or a turn on, but from the example in the video I can see how it can be. What about you?)
  • Making Good Eye Contact (Above all, this is the sexiest thing a man can do. He can have the body of a god and be the sweetest guy, however if he can’t make good eye contact when talking to you he is a dud. I dunno about you but it means a lot when a guy looks you in the eye, shows dominance as well as many other qualities. I can get lost in a guy’s eyes for hours if you let me.)

Apple’s Words of Wisdom

Honey, sit yourself down and get ready for some of my wisdom. I hope you’re thrirsty for this T!

Recently I came in contact with a 10 year-old little girl, who was born with Down’s Syndrome. To safeguard her privacy let’s call her, June. June lives in South Central with her mom and two brothers. I came to know June through a friend that needed help. As y’all know when I come across someone who needs help, I try to do what I can. Especially for my family and friends. Those I consider friends are my adopted family, the family I chose, for them I would move mountains if I could. I would and have given my last dollar to help someone else. I believe if someone needs something like food or necessities they should not go without, and if I have the cash to spare I rather use it on someone who is need…

I met Jun’s family by dropping something off for my friend, and was moved to learn her story. She is in public school and is having trouble due to her disability. At home she has trouble cause the homework is in English and her mom only speaks Spanish. I have gone back several times to help June with her homework, an d wish the public school system would do more. The girl also has trouble speaking and took me awhile to understand her way of communicating which is mostly moans. She understands English and Spanish if you talk to her, but is having trouble ready and writing…

It is so sad that we are failing our children, especially those that really need the extra attention. My words of wisdom here is to treat children as they are our future, cause they are… They will adopt this messed up world, and when we are old they will be looking after us. If we don’t dedicate the right time and attention to these kids, what kinda message are we sending? 

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